Pestilence (UK: Hamlyn, 1983)
Tagline: "Don’t go near the water."
This is yet another title that I never read back in the day,
having stumbled upon it quite accidentally a few years
ago. The tagline gives you the impression we’re about to
wade into the bloody waters of yet another Jaws-
inspired potboiler and the cover illustration seems to
confirm that: those fearsome jaws rising from the water
do look very shark-like. Regardless, the cover tells us all
we need to know: this is a monster book and better yet,
a monster from the sea book!
Tagline: "Don’t go near the water."
This is yet another title that I never read back in the day,
having stumbled upon it quite accidentally a few years
ago. The tagline gives you the impression we’re about to
wade into the bloody waters of yet another Jaws-
inspired potboiler and the cover illustration seems to
confirm that: those fearsome jaws rising from the water
do look very shark-like. Regardless, the cover tells us all
we need to know: this is a monster book and better yet,
a monster from the sea book!
First off, I know very little about Edward Jarvis other than he wrote another little
pulpy horror thriller--Maggots--which despite the cool title and immense possibilities
pretty much stank the joint up and not in a good way. Let's just say that every time
Jarvis had a chance to make Maggots into a decent horror story, he stumbled and
dropped the ball..
But on to Pestilence. As the result of illegal nuclear testing on the ocean floor by
those damn Ruskies again (will they never learn?) a group of giant lampreys are
woken from their dormancy and threaten waters worldwide. Jarvis never goes
much into the science of the thing as to whether these are prehistoric creatures or
sleeping lamprey mutated by radiation. There are some things, apparently, the
reader was not meant to know. The lampreys are in the oceans, the rivers, the
lakes, and even the sewers and drainage ditches. Bastards! Jarvis, unfortunately,
keeps most of the bloodiest attacks offscreen and rarely gives us much in the way
of description for the lampreys themselves. But we do know this: the lampreys are
categorized as Standard Lampreys, Greater Lampreys, Giant Lampreys, Mammoth
Lampreys, and Mega Lampreys which kill not only blue whales but sink a U.S. Navy
Destroyer! Seriously. Maybe there's even a Super-Duper Lamprey that I missed.
The lampreys attack people, attack boats, even family pets. But, again, most of the
bloody action is referred to after the fact and Jarvis never lets us see much of it.
The main character here is Garry Marshall, a former journalist turned advertising
exec who is drawn back into journalism after losing a couple fingers to a lamprey
while cleaning a drain which causes him to go on a crusade to fight the growing
lamprey menace which the governments of the world are sadly ignoring. Garry has
a lovely wife, Verni, and a couple kids. The relationship between Garry and Verni is
well-drawn. They are a fun, likeable couple with a good rapport. You believe in
them. Something which grates on the reader later when Jarvis kills Verni off for no
other reason, it seems, than for the fact that he wants Garry to hook up with a hot
journalist named Lorna Leigh who is his assistant. Apparently, Verni decided to go
shopping in France and as she crossed the channel (pre-Chunnel days), the ferry
was attacked and sunk. Shopping? Across the English Channel? And this while her
husband is crying out for everyone to avoid waterways at all costs? Did she sneak
off without telling him? Or, and worse, did he know and tell her, sounds like a
wonderful idea, love, enjoy your day. Verni's death and motivation, in fact all details
of what would seem to be a major plot point are referred to after the fact by Garry
so we never know. If Jarvis wanted Garry to hook up with Lorna, why bother with
creating Verni at all? After he mentions her death, she's pretty much forgotten as
he spends his time screwing Lorna.
This sort of amateurish, incompetent plotting leads me to believe that Pestilence
must be a parody of sorts. Something which seems more and more likely as you
plow through its 158 pages. The Americans in here talk like they just stepped out of
a 1950's sitcom. The Brits often say "bloody" four or five times in a single sentence.
The French are a little too reminiscent of Inspector Clouseau and Hercule Poirot.
And to further confound any tenuous reality base this book might have had, the
movie Jaws shows up, not as a movie but as a reference to something that actually
happened to the resort community of Amity Island. Huh?
All in all, it should be said that Jarvis has a fairly lively writing style and his comedic
asides are pretty funny, particularly those dealing with bureaucrats, the
classification of the lamprey, and the Yanks and Brits arguing playfully back and
forth as to who has the biggest lamprey. When an Indian girl loses her leg from a
lamprey attack and considers legal action she's told she "doesn't have a leg to
stand on" and Garry himself (minus fingers) is chosen to head up an anti-lamprey
committee because he has "first-hand experience."
I'm not honestly sure what to make of this one. If you want a laugh, read it. If you
want a good monster story, avoid it.
Pros: Great idea. Interesting characters for the most part. Other than that, not
much.
Cons: Too many. First off, the beast on the cover is NOT a lamprey but apparently
some kind of shark or fish. The actual mouth of a lamprey is much more
vicious-looking than what is pictured here. But that's nitpicking, of course. The real
problems here are that Jarvis gives us very, very little action or gore and so fails
completely on the Ghastly, Gruesome, and Gor-ifying scale. This book is way too
damn talky and the characters often behave in irrational ways. The plotting is often
ridiculous and makeshift.
Overall: Does this book suck? Depends on how you look at it. As a nasty, I'd say
it's a near-complete failure. But if you take it as a parody of the same, it's amusing
in places. Just not exactly the sort of thing you want when you pick up a book like
this. A true Nasty it is not.
One Bloody Skull out of Five (and this only for the comedy).
Next month, the original, archetypal pulp horror novel that started it all:
"The rats have emerged from the darkness."
pulpy horror thriller--Maggots--which despite the cool title and immense possibilities
pretty much stank the joint up and not in a good way. Let's just say that every time
Jarvis had a chance to make Maggots into a decent horror story, he stumbled and
dropped the ball..
But on to Pestilence. As the result of illegal nuclear testing on the ocean floor by
those damn Ruskies again (will they never learn?) a group of giant lampreys are
woken from their dormancy and threaten waters worldwide. Jarvis never goes
much into the science of the thing as to whether these are prehistoric creatures or
sleeping lamprey mutated by radiation. There are some things, apparently, the
reader was not meant to know. The lampreys are in the oceans, the rivers, the
lakes, and even the sewers and drainage ditches. Bastards! Jarvis, unfortunately,
keeps most of the bloodiest attacks offscreen and rarely gives us much in the way
of description for the lampreys themselves. But we do know this: the lampreys are
categorized as Standard Lampreys, Greater Lampreys, Giant Lampreys, Mammoth
Lampreys, and Mega Lampreys which kill not only blue whales but sink a U.S. Navy
Destroyer! Seriously. Maybe there's even a Super-Duper Lamprey that I missed.
The lampreys attack people, attack boats, even family pets. But, again, most of the
bloody action is referred to after the fact and Jarvis never lets us see much of it.
The main character here is Garry Marshall, a former journalist turned advertising
exec who is drawn back into journalism after losing a couple fingers to a lamprey
while cleaning a drain which causes him to go on a crusade to fight the growing
lamprey menace which the governments of the world are sadly ignoring. Garry has
a lovely wife, Verni, and a couple kids. The relationship between Garry and Verni is
well-drawn. They are a fun, likeable couple with a good rapport. You believe in
them. Something which grates on the reader later when Jarvis kills Verni off for no
other reason, it seems, than for the fact that he wants Garry to hook up with a hot
journalist named Lorna Leigh who is his assistant. Apparently, Verni decided to go
shopping in France and as she crossed the channel (pre-Chunnel days), the ferry
was attacked and sunk. Shopping? Across the English Channel? And this while her
husband is crying out for everyone to avoid waterways at all costs? Did she sneak
off without telling him? Or, and worse, did he know and tell her, sounds like a
wonderful idea, love, enjoy your day. Verni's death and motivation, in fact all details
of what would seem to be a major plot point are referred to after the fact by Garry
so we never know. If Jarvis wanted Garry to hook up with Lorna, why bother with
creating Verni at all? After he mentions her death, she's pretty much forgotten as
he spends his time screwing Lorna.
This sort of amateurish, incompetent plotting leads me to believe that Pestilence
must be a parody of sorts. Something which seems more and more likely as you
plow through its 158 pages. The Americans in here talk like they just stepped out of
a 1950's sitcom. The Brits often say "bloody" four or five times in a single sentence.
The French are a little too reminiscent of Inspector Clouseau and Hercule Poirot.
And to further confound any tenuous reality base this book might have had, the
movie Jaws shows up, not as a movie but as a reference to something that actually
happened to the resort community of Amity Island. Huh?
All in all, it should be said that Jarvis has a fairly lively writing style and his comedic
asides are pretty funny, particularly those dealing with bureaucrats, the
classification of the lamprey, and the Yanks and Brits arguing playfully back and
forth as to who has the biggest lamprey. When an Indian girl loses her leg from a
lamprey attack and considers legal action she's told she "doesn't have a leg to
stand on" and Garry himself (minus fingers) is chosen to head up an anti-lamprey
committee because he has "first-hand experience."
I'm not honestly sure what to make of this one. If you want a laugh, read it. If you
want a good monster story, avoid it.
Pros: Great idea. Interesting characters for the most part. Other than that, not
much.
Cons: Too many. First off, the beast on the cover is NOT a lamprey but apparently
some kind of shark or fish. The actual mouth of a lamprey is much more
vicious-looking than what is pictured here. But that's nitpicking, of course. The real
problems here are that Jarvis gives us very, very little action or gore and so fails
completely on the Ghastly, Gruesome, and Gor-ifying scale. This book is way too
damn talky and the characters often behave in irrational ways. The plotting is often
ridiculous and makeshift.
Overall: Does this book suck? Depends on how you look at it. As a nasty, I'd say
it's a near-complete failure. But if you take it as a parody of the same, it's amusing
in places. Just not exactly the sort of thing you want when you pick up a book like
this. A true Nasty it is not.
One Bloody Skull out of Five (and this only for the comedy).
Next month, the original, archetypal pulp horror novel that started it all:
"The rats have emerged from the darkness."