| Copyright 2010 by Tim Curran |
Worms (UK: Futura, 1979)
Tagline: "When the nightmare ended, the real horror began..."
And now for something completely different. Really. Like you when I
caught sight of this great, grisly cover I was thinking right away: Yeah!
Worms infesting people, eating 'em right to the bone. Now, I'm not
saying that truly awful things don't happen in this one--particularly
worm-related things--but it's all handled in a much different way than I
would ever have expected. Let's admit a few things here first just to
clear the air. When you read these books, these "nasties", you come
to expect certain things: predictable plots, cardboard characters, and,
Tagline: "When the nightmare ended, the real horror began..."
And now for something completely different. Really. Like you when I
caught sight of this great, grisly cover I was thinking right away: Yeah!
Worms infesting people, eating 'em right to the bone. Now, I'm not
saying that truly awful things don't happen in this one--particularly
worm-related things--but it's all handled in a much different way than I
would ever have expected. Let's admit a few things here first just to
clear the air. When you read these books, these "nasties", you come
to expect certain things: predictable plots, cardboard characters, and,
above all, the roving eye of third person narration so the author can show you plenty of set
pieces of people getting devoured, dismembered, sliced, diced, barbecued,and drained dry,
thereby illustrating and enhancing the book's particular horror. After all, this is a nasty, this is
pulp horror.
But you don't get that with this one.
It's written in first person and I don't think I've ever come across that before. James Montague
(an obvious pseudonym) doesn't seem to have written any other horror novels and that's too
bad because you know what? This guy can really write and he can really create interesting
characters. Our main character/narrator here is James Hildebrandt who has come to the village
of Blanely--where it never seems to stop raining--on the Norfolk coast for a vacation. Blanely
has a lovely little bit of local folklore concerning "the worms of hell" that rise up to punish
sinners. More on them later. The whole things reads like a British cozy mystery until we meet
his shrewish wife who's an absolute bitch. She treats him like a dog:
"Don't be so stupid, you pathetic little man," she said.
Or:
"You'll be lucky if you get anything in my will. Why did I ever have to marry such a stupid, wet
little man?"
Yeah, this girl's a real corker. James has the idea of buying a little cottage in Blanely and fixing
it up and the first thing his wife does is jump his shit, putting a stop to any such ideas. So James
does what any red-blooded British man would do: he kills her, crushing her beneath a concrete
slab. This gives you an idea of what's going on here. It looks like an accident, so he's clear. He
buys the cottage with his wife's money and right away the worms begin tormenting him. They
invade his cottage. They get in his water pipes and come out in writhing clods whenever he
tries to turn on his taps, they haunt his dreams, they infest his boathouse, in fact they turn up
just about everywhere. This is where Worms gets complicated. For in your average book of this
sort, the characters either exist to be eaten or to vanquish what's eating everyone else. Not so
here. James becomes increasingly paranoid about the worms and his wife's murder, his only
real friend is Mrs. Valentine whose own husband died under mysterious circumstances many
years before and right away you peg her rightly as a kook. Soon enough, James has to commit
more murders to cover up his crime as these misguided types often have to in mysteries. The
plot gets increasingly tangled and complex as our characters foul deeds become intertwined.
Interestingly enough, it's not until the final third of the book that this even turns into a nasty.
That's when the worms attack in numbers. It seems to be tied in with some sort of accident at a
nuclear power plant that's being built. Montague is a little vague on this. One particular stormy
night as the worms begin creeping under doors and getting into his bed, James finds his
housekeeper on the floor and is sent by Mrs. Valentine to get help but he can't because the
road is washed out, only it's with worms and not water. As we race towards the end of this
one, people drown in worms, worms crash through windows in gigantic balls, worms engulf cars
and slither through the heating vents, worms burst through doors in floods, worms crawl up
noses and work their way into mouths and even slide between ass cheeks. Gaah!
And when the worm menace is finally stopped, James Hildebrand's troubles are only beginning,
trust me.
Pros: A unique take, interesting and complex characters. It dares to be different.
Cons: This one doesn't quite go far enough to satisfy the three G's of Nasties: Ghastly,
Gruesome, and Gor-ifying. But what we do get of the worms is pretty good.
Overall: I would recommend this one for a change of pace. A very intriguing mix of mystery and
horror that surprises at just about every turn and has a nice little poetic justice type ending.
Three bloody skulls out of five and only because there was not enough grue and real horror.
Next month's Guilty Pleasure:
"It grows on you"
pieces of people getting devoured, dismembered, sliced, diced, barbecued,and drained dry,
thereby illustrating and enhancing the book's particular horror. After all, this is a nasty, this is
pulp horror.
But you don't get that with this one.
It's written in first person and I don't think I've ever come across that before. James Montague
(an obvious pseudonym) doesn't seem to have written any other horror novels and that's too
bad because you know what? This guy can really write and he can really create interesting
characters. Our main character/narrator here is James Hildebrandt who has come to the village
of Blanely--where it never seems to stop raining--on the Norfolk coast for a vacation. Blanely
has a lovely little bit of local folklore concerning "the worms of hell" that rise up to punish
sinners. More on them later. The whole things reads like a British cozy mystery until we meet
his shrewish wife who's an absolute bitch. She treats him like a dog:
"Don't be so stupid, you pathetic little man," she said.
Or:
"You'll be lucky if you get anything in my will. Why did I ever have to marry such a stupid, wet
little man?"
Yeah, this girl's a real corker. James has the idea of buying a little cottage in Blanely and fixing
it up and the first thing his wife does is jump his shit, putting a stop to any such ideas. So James
does what any red-blooded British man would do: he kills her, crushing her beneath a concrete
slab. This gives you an idea of what's going on here. It looks like an accident, so he's clear. He
buys the cottage with his wife's money and right away the worms begin tormenting him. They
invade his cottage. They get in his water pipes and come out in writhing clods whenever he
tries to turn on his taps, they haunt his dreams, they infest his boathouse, in fact they turn up
just about everywhere. This is where Worms gets complicated. For in your average book of this
sort, the characters either exist to be eaten or to vanquish what's eating everyone else. Not so
here. James becomes increasingly paranoid about the worms and his wife's murder, his only
real friend is Mrs. Valentine whose own husband died under mysterious circumstances many
years before and right away you peg her rightly as a kook. Soon enough, James has to commit
more murders to cover up his crime as these misguided types often have to in mysteries. The
plot gets increasingly tangled and complex as our characters foul deeds become intertwined.
Interestingly enough, it's not until the final third of the book that this even turns into a nasty.
That's when the worms attack in numbers. It seems to be tied in with some sort of accident at a
nuclear power plant that's being built. Montague is a little vague on this. One particular stormy
night as the worms begin creeping under doors and getting into his bed, James finds his
housekeeper on the floor and is sent by Mrs. Valentine to get help but he can't because the
road is washed out, only it's with worms and not water. As we race towards the end of this
one, people drown in worms, worms crash through windows in gigantic balls, worms engulf cars
and slither through the heating vents, worms burst through doors in floods, worms crawl up
noses and work their way into mouths and even slide between ass cheeks. Gaah!
And when the worm menace is finally stopped, James Hildebrand's troubles are only beginning,
trust me.
Pros: A unique take, interesting and complex characters. It dares to be different.
Cons: This one doesn't quite go far enough to satisfy the three G's of Nasties: Ghastly,
Gruesome, and Gor-ifying. But what we do get of the worms is pretty good.
Overall: I would recommend this one for a change of pace. A very intriguing mix of mystery and
horror that surprises at just about every turn and has a nice little poetic justice type ending.
Three bloody skulls out of five and only because there was not enough grue and real horror.
Next month's Guilty Pleasure:
"It grows on you"